THIS PAGE IS UNFINISHED

Stuff that I find cool and what I think of them

This site refers to Catastrophie as one person. For more information, check the "meta" page
Games
    Story
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    Rhythm
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    Horror
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    Platformer
      Geometry Dash
        Possibly my 3rd most played game of all time, but I have no way of knowing since I only have Steam playtime and not phone. I was first introduced to GD by my sister in 2015, it was the version of GD Lite that had Time Machine as the level, and I still think of that as my ultimate version of GD. A year or 2 later I got the full game on iOS and I played the hell out of it. If it wasn't for Growtopia, GD might be my most played game on phone. Though I still believe I played more GD than GT. I think it would be fitting to talk about some main game and community levels here that I care about.

        Base After Base Probably my favorite level of the original 7 (my original 8). And it's probably just due to how easy it is. The coins are literally free so that helps it.

        Can't Let Go The worst level in the game. This is a static opinion that has stuck with me since I played this level for the first time. Probably the worst official platformer game level that I've ever played.

        Cycles I remember when Cycles dropped on GD Lite and was rated insane. Back then, it really was insane and those "triple spikes" messed me up so bad.

        Clutterfunk When I was a kid, I really used to hate this level, but I think it's grown on me.

        Theory of Everything I like the drop

        Hexagon Force My absolute favorite main game level, and always has been. I think I started to like it because of the creeper icon, but I truly fell in love with everything else about it too. The music was soothing to my sensitive ears (yes, the hardcore fan used to be very sensitive to sound).

        Theory of Everything II For some reason, I have made 2 separate recreations of this level, while having 0 of any other level. My biggest finished custom level project was "Theory of Everything 2 but me", a troll level. Later I made a version of the level with no spikes. The "__ but me" trilogy was supposed to also have Clubstep and Deadlocked, but I never got around to finishing those levels. I don't know why ToE2 was the one I did lol.

        Devin2003 Now, I'm quite open about how big of an inspiration Devin is to me, and this level really showcases it all perfectly, literally, it's his other levels molded into practically a compilation. I really love the song as well.

        Triple Six Speaking of Devin, I found Zylenoz through him, which obviously led me to Triple Six. The level itself is cool, but what really won me over was the song. The song is Cursed by Jackal Queenston. Welp, case solved, it's literally named in fnm04's description, and there's a YT upload I can listen to. But that wasn't enough. One of Devins levels also uses a song by this artist, and I was obsessed with how it sounded. So that left me with the question: who is Jackal Queenston? Well I think in hindsight the better question would be: who was Jackal Queenston? Welp, let me tell you, dear reader. Jackal Queenston was an alias of the artist formerly known as LapFox TRAX. They had a whole wiki's worth of these aliases, which I found by googling JQ's name. I listened to some of these songs, and they were amazing. And as it turns out, the person behind JQ was not a nazifur who died 12 years ago, but a queer furry variety artist who has been doing ts for AGES. And they have Finnish heritage? I might die. This person is now known as em essex, or HALLEY LABS. And the iceberg did not end there. You see, I listened to JQ's discography, and I found something I never thought I would. Penis music. This was the person who made the fucking 2020 penis music song. Life is incredible.

        Future Funk JonathanGD has to be my favorite civilized GD creator, and the BuTiTi series led me to 2 awesome meganeko songs. Future Funk is a level that I've had a big interest in since I first saw it played on YT when it came out, in 2017. In late 2023, I was playing GD more actively than ever, and I realized that I was actually finally becoming good at it. And knowing I'd never play enough to beat Bloodbath, the second option was FF. And so I played it. I played it in practice, over and over and over again, until I felt confident in doing full attempts. A lot of my practice runs had deaths at a choke point near 70%, and I did die there once on normal. But then I fluked it and didn't die at 99% a single time. And so Future Funk became my hardest and my first hard demon.

        Future Funk II I can not describe the amount of dread this level has caused me. If I were to name all of my traumas, they all combined would not equal 1/1000000 to the pain this level has caused me. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate this level since I began to live. In all seriousness, this would've been my next hardest if it wasn't for a few really annoying choke points (including the one at 99%, where I died 4 times). Don't get me wrong, this level is fun as hell, even more so than the first one. But trying to beat it on normal became less fun and more like a burden, so I quit. And this level kind of ruined the game for me afterwards. I have still played it to some extent, but the GD phase I had near the 2.2 release is gone solely because of this level, which is definitely my own fault. I think that's a good thing though, as it's allowed me to move on to other things (for example, I don't know if I would've finished OMORI when I did, and who knows what that could've led to.) Overall, these 2 levels got me listening to LemKuuja, which was cool I guess (though I hardly listen to them now).

        Dark Odyssey After I gave up on FF2, I became interested in DO instead, as it was quite easy for an extreme demon, and probably my favorite level in the game gameplay-wise. I only played this level for fun in practice, and I never really planned to beat it on normal, as FF2 had left a bad taste in my mouth. This would've been my first extreme though.

        And that about does it, I also want to mention that I'm pretty sure GD was the first game I bought on Steam when I got my PC in 2021. GD will always have a special place in my heart, and there are too many memories attached to this game to mention. Fuck Kappaclysm. Fuck Can't Let Go. Fuck the community. Goodbye.
      Happy Wheels
        I don't really know what to say about this game, but I guess it deserves a slot with how much I've played it. In case you don't know, Happy Wheels was a flash game (i think) that is essentially a platformer creator, rather than a game. The game comes from the creations of the community and the characters, which all have different vehicles they use to move forward. There are some really cool levels in this game, and a lot of them are not about platforming. It's a little bit like GD but with so much more you can do with the movement and physics of everything. The main bit of this game though was the gore, which obviously fueled the need of the edgy in young me's mind. Overall it's an okay web game that I played WAY too much for what it is.
      LittleBigPlanet 3
        While I have briefly played LBP2 at a friend's house, I only ever owned LBP3. And holy shit do I love this game. Honestly I don't have much to say here, I like everything about the game and it kind of speaks for itself. Especially the opening animation's music is really nostalgic to me. When I played this game again a couple years ago, I was baffled at the loading times and the NOISE our PS4 was making. Like good god I know the game is demanding but huh? Also fuck you to whoever made that LBP4 fake trailer because you bet your ass I believed that shit.
      New Super Mario Bros. Wii
        I honestly don't remember if I ever 100%'d this game. I have gotten to the end a couple times, but don't know if I ever beat the special world. I honestly think this game has the best Bowser final boss of any SMB game (I mean, just the music is enough for that title). This game also (I think) introduces the propeller and mini mushrooms, which are coincidentally my favorite 2D Mario power-ups! A funny thing I remember about this game is the gambling houses. Before I had unrestricted internet access (god do I yearn back), I had to memorize the patterns of the Bowser cards myself, and I STILL remember at least one card that I'd always avoid. Anyway that one overworld part in World 3 with the hockey bros can eat shit and live.
      Super Mario Galaxy 1 / 2
        Now, I don't think it's very fair to group these 2 together, but they are practically the same game so yeah, let's maybe not clutter up this page more than it already is. Anyway, I will be VERY biased towards Galaxy 2 here, so sorry to any Galaxy 1 fans. Anyway, speaking of Galaxy 1. I actually played this game after Galaxy 2, because 2 came with our Wii while we had to buy the bronze seal (or whatever tf that whole thing was) version of 1 years later. I never really enjoyed it to the same degree as 2, since I liked energetic games and 1 was much more emotional and slower-paced. Doesn't mean I didn't like it. I loved it! It's just that with kid me's monolingualism at the time, I had my mom read out the story for me and I still don't think I understood 90% of the Rosalina stuff. The main story was pretty easy to understand though (almost as if it's the same in every single Mario game). I have since 100%'d this game, but it was never all too special to me. My favorite galaxy is the Toy Time Galaxy which I probably played more times than there are galaxies in the game, but I also like Freezeflame and Space Junk. Unfortunately, I see a lot of the galaxies as just mid, which sucks cuz I know how important this game is to some people :( Now as for Galaxy 2, oh boy. This is still one of my favorite games of all time, even though it's now been almost 13 years since I first played it. I have 100%'d this game twice, but that's probably like half my playtime. The other half is replaying the galaxies an unhealthy amount. This competes with Mario Kart as my most played Wii game. It's not that I think there's actually anything better about this game, it's just the one I played first and the one I fell in love with. Again, I didn't understand the text, but that didn't really mean anything. I actually spent a weird amount of time reading the guide that came with the game lol. I liked reading things with pictures so I guess that makes sense. Now then, for the ultimate favorite. My favorite galaxy. There are A LOT of really good contenders, but I've actually managed to pick a favorite. Cosmic Cove Galaxy. It's weird. I mentioned earlier that I liked energetic things, but this galaxy is anything but. I have no idea why I liked it as a kid, but I do know why I love it now. I love the aesthetics and music of this galaxy so so much. One day I want to learn the song on piano just because it's so good. I honestly have to hold myself back here, because I have stuff to write about every galaxy, hell, every star! But I'm already supposed to be asleep right now, and I just don't have time to write all that! (Actually, I think I just got an idea for a video…) Welp! See you in 10 years when that releases!
    Multiplayer
      Rec Room
        Welp, I better get this out of the way then. If it wasn't for Minecraft, this would be my DEFINITE most played game of all time. I started playing RR in March 2020, about a year after I got my PSVR. I remember seeing stuff about it before, but people said it was similar to VRchat so I wasn't that interested (with VRchat's reputation and me being 12 at the time). And yeah, I played RR for 3 months before I turned 13 and not on a junior account. I know, cool, right? Anyway, I have a shit ton of memories from this game, to the point where it almost feels like a breach of privacy to tell them here. So instead I'll say more of my general opinions and experiences with the game rather than the people in it. My favorite RRO has always been Stunt Runner. In my Growtopia and Kogama sections I mentioned that I liked parkour games, and that certainly carried over to RR. I currently have about 200 people on my friends list and I'm STILL top 1 of my friends in Stunt Runner. That feels pretty good (honestly better than the fact I have a LITERAL world record.) My second favorite thing were the quests, of course. My favorite is probably Jumbotron, but I love them all like my children. My favorite weapons for quests are the bow, flintlock, shotgun and whip. I have also soloed Golden Trophy a couple times but none of the other quests IIRC. I have every item unlocked in Golden Trophy and Jumbotron. I like Laser tag more than Paintball (not sorry) and I once grinded and got the top hat in laser tag. I also at one point considered myself good at dodgeball but that gamemode becomes a nightmare the second you get on when you haven't constantly played it. I really liked creating in RR, though I mostly just made random shit rather than coherent rooms. I did, for example, make the music video for my song Submechanophobia in RR. I once attended an art class in RR, and it did help me a bit with making traditional art, but I also acknowledge now that I don't necessarily want to make "traditional" art. The biggest thing RR let me explore though, was fashion. I had RR+ for like a year just for the extra outfit slots. Around 2021, I was actually a crossdresser (femboy) because I didn't even know I was trans yet. First I dressed up as an anime girl as a joke. Then uhhh… well I don't think it was a joke anymore. I started making more feminine outfits (though they still had the more masculine haircuts). It was around this time that I was actually questioning my sexuality as well, so those 2 kind of went together. Call me thanos 'cause I went through at least 6 sexualities from late 2021 to mid 2022. First I was ace, then gay, then bi, then pan, then gay and ace and then pan and ace (which is where I still stand, though now I'm questioning if I'm gay in the other direction. Fuck. /hj) Anyway, in 2022, I figured out I was non-binary, and RR was pretty much the only place where I could express that. I came out to my best online friend (who's still my best online friend) and he was the first to support me. Half a year later I came out to my parents and they support me as well. And soon, I'm gonna be a legal woman! And honestly, I don't think this would've happened without RR. The "figuring out I'm queer" part would've probably happened regardless, but Idk if I'd have the confidence I do today. Hell, I don't know if I would've strayed away from the shitty people in my life. And for that, I am forever grateful to RR. This game holds amazing memories and gave me a best friend unlike I've had. However, they fucking ruined this game. There's way too many things to list here, but me and my online peers have quit RR for good reason. And it's a real shame. RR is one of my favorite games of all time, but I don't want to say that anymore due to its current state. It's a bit similar to the Growtopia situation, except that it's the SAME PEOPLE who have been making RR for a long time that are now ruining it. So, thank you RR, but also, fuck you.
      Minecraft
        I would say this is my most played game of all time, but I have no way of knowing since nothing has tracked my playtime on it. I was first introduced to Minecraft Pocket Edition in 2014 by either my sister or someone in my school. In PE my biggest build was a mall that one of my friends at the time "accidentally" blew up, and I ended up flying away from it in the world and never found it again. Then, later that year I played it properly for the first time on another friend at the time's PlayStation 4. I remember it being the specific tutorial world with a reference to Stampy in it, and I absolutely loved that world. It might still be the most nostalgic Minecraft world to me. The next spring, my dad bought us a PS4 as an early birthday gift for me (probably since I loved playing it at my friends house so much.) My favorite thing was doing random stuff in creative mode. I never really cared for survival that much (though I did have a survival world that I played very rarely to try and get all the trophies). I remember creating a couple huge empty houses with very scuffed redstone lighting. I also built a rollercoaster in one of my dumb playground flat worlds. But my absolute biggest project was a whole town that I made almost entirely by myself (with a few buildings by my friends). There are many things I ended up removing from the town (which I hate to admit as an archivist), but it's still the same town as it ever was. I might actually try to port this town over to bedrock at some point, so I won't say too much about it here. Even though I liked building, I LOVED destroying. I remember going to the different pre-build worlds and just blowing them up (I especially played the Mass Effect world a lot for some reason). Even after PS4 edition was deprecated, I enjoyed the game. I remember being jealous of PC players and their mods, as I used to watch TNT mod showcases as a kid. I also watched lucky block mod videos and (I actually don't know how to describe this. It's Hypixel's Party Games -mode and a similar one for Mineplex). I didn't really watch a lot of the "normal" MC stuff like Stampy or DanTDM (mostly because I didn't know English yet), but I did eventually watch Dan's Story Mode playthrough. When I finally got my own PC, I didn't really play any single player Minecraft. I much more preferred Hypixel, Manacube and random servers. I specifically played 3rd Life -type servers, as the series had come out by this point. I also tried getting into a couple Hermitcraft -type servers, but I wasn't very active on them. The past couple years me and my online friend have had a bit of an informal yearly tradition where we play survival together. Though this year and last year we've had some spice in the mix, I do really enjoy playing survival with a few friends. It helps that we have keepinventory on. All in all, I think this game has been pretty influential to me, especially in terms of learning English (which I fear is a very common experience here). I may have never beaten the Ender Dragon legitimately, but I like playing this game in short bursts with half-year breaks. (Those short bursts usually consist of me doing nothing but playing the game for a few days).
      Panfu
        Though I was a kid in the 2010s, I never actually had the sort of "peak internet" experiences I see talked about. That's mostly because I just wasn't that weird of a kid. Oh and also I had restricted internet access. I don't remember exactly how my parents monitored my surfing, but I know I definitely had time restrictions. Honestly in retrospect, I don't know if that was a good or bad thing for my development. In any case, one website that I was allowed to go on was panfu.com (or panfu.fi to be exact). Panfu is another one of those Club Penguin -type games, where you play as a cute little panda and can play minigames and chat with other pandas. I don't remember any specific experiences since I was like 6-8 when I was playing, but I remember really liking the minigames and music (and also the quests). Unfortunately, in 2016 (iirc), the Panfu servers had shut down, making the game unplayable. However, some clever folks had made a private server, panfu.me. I played the server to some extent, messing around with chat commands and OOB glitches, but I don't think my playtime matched that of child me (though I did play the server in 2020 and 2021 which I remember frighteningly little about). Overall, Panfu was to me what Club Penguin was to many others, a childhood game with a lot of nostalgia in it.
      Growtopia
        Now for this story, I will take you back to 2015. And I don't mean the cringe internet 2015 that this website is based on, I mean the "normal" kid 2015. Phone games had been the talk around at school for pretty much all of elementary school, but nothing (except maybe GD) ever reached the level of Growtopia. We were on this game all the fucking time we had. And honestly, so was the whole world. We were spending our little allowance on this game, and I regret none of it. Except that I was a fucking idiot. I had an original account on my friend's tablet, and he supplied me with items he had bought with his parents' credit cards. Those funds were eventually refunded, and my account was permabanned (I tried contacting Ubisoft years later but they didn't give a shit). My new account in 2016 was by the name SeiskaPlays and then later Daawful, which stuck until 2021. I have probably spent about 100€ on this account. Unfortunately, on 2 SEPARATE OCCASIONS I recycled every single item I had on the account, along with destroying all my worlds. The richest I ever was was just a bit over 1 DL. With almost 700 hours, you'd probably expect a bit more, but I wasn't in the scamming OR trading business, and most of my income ever came from farming (which is infamously and painfully slow). While GT doesn't have a "goal", it is the most P2W game I have ever played. I surprisingly have little to no bad memories from this game, mostly just times I was scammed or made a bad deal or those account resets I mentioned. I have had a shit ton of fun with this game, and will return if they actually make it good again. Yeah, like most people I stopped playing because Ubisoft fucked the game (typical). Apparently there's like major inflation going on, IDRK because the servers can't seem to let me in anymore. ATP there are like 100 bots per player. It's really sad to see worlds like START and SEEDIARY not be the social hubs they used to. I remember not being able to join START because of player limits, and being told to steer away from SEEDIARY due to hackers hanging out there. Before around 2018 I only really hung out in Finnish worlds, but this game taught me some English too. For example, I'm almost certain I learnt at least the terms "trade", "platform" and "creepypasta" because of this game. Out of Finnish worlds, I was mostly in ALOITAPELI, KOULU, SUOMI and some creepypasta one I can't remember for the life of me. Out of English worlds, I mostly just hung out in NOOB and can't really remember other major ones. If you still play GT for some reason, you can visit DAAWFUL, which is my main personal world. Oh, also, probably my favorite part of the game is the parkour worlds. Specifically PARKOUR, JUMP and PARKOURHOUSE are the main ones I played, though I did play a bunch of different adventure / parkour worlds (also I still haven't gotten past the softlock part of PARKOUR2). This game WAS good, now it fucking sucks.
      Kogama
        Speaking of parkour, this popped up into my head when writing about GT, so I guess I'll mention it here too. Kogama is essentially the poor girl's Roblox. I don't remember all too much about it, but I remember playing a lot of parkour levels / obbies. Yeah, while you were playing your Roblox obbies, I was playing Kogama obbies. Get on my level, filthy casual.
      Roblox
        Ok fuck it, let's just put this here too ig. Honestly this section should be named "Theme Park Tycoon 2" since that's pretty much the only Roblox game I ever played (and my god have I played it a lot). I might share my theme park somewhere else, so again, I'm not gonna explain it here. But yeah, my other Roblox experiences were for playing random games with friends out of their requests.
      VAIL
        I play this game way more than I should. Before I got into PCVR, I always opposed first-person shooters, as I just felt opposed to them. That changed when I got an interest in guns, but I only ever really got into VR shooters (except Valo and Rivals but we don't talk about Valo). While I did like BW, BL, ITR and Pavlov, 3 of them are single-player* and Pavlov became dead just around the time I bought it. So when I found VAIL, I didn't care. The game was dead and I got it on sale for 2€. Welp, that changed when they added OCULUS Quest 2 support, which revived the game and made it have a steady incline. Though it's hard to get in quick play lobbies now on weekdays, the game is still definitely alive.

        Speaking of the players, I'll come clean, the in-game community is about as bad as other VR games (that is to say, worse than flatscreen FPSs). But the community on Discord is pretty kewl. I actively participate in the events, and I'd say a lot of people at least recognize my name in there. I wouldn't say I got any friends from VAIL, but I do enjoy the events and trolling Tuxx (who I beat in a 1v1 btw (he has 3000+ hours)). I don't partake in comp play, as it just doesn't feel fit for me (and I hate Artifact). I pretty much play this game everyday now, and it's kind of the current thing I'm doing.
        Favorite guns: AK-303, NXS. Least favorite guns: APC9, PMO (Pm9) Favorite sights: Pilad, SpitfireAR (enemies to lovers toxic yuri). Least favorite sight: iron sights, that one thing I can't remember the name but I want to die when I get it in Fiesta. Favorite maps: Frio (Hardpoint and TDM), Atmos (TDM and CTO) but only if I'm in a good mood), Cliffside (Scoutzknivez, Hardpoint). Least favorite maps: Maar, Maar, Maar, Maar. Favorite players: Rose, Syber, Luna. Least favorite players: Luke, anyone named Omar, anyone named Allen (how have I not have a single good experience with someone named Allen in this game), that one guy who was on my team today.

        Aexlab should ban me so I have to go touch grass.
    Single-player shooter
      BONELAB
        I was thinking whether I should group all SLZ games together, but realized how hard that would be to update (if they even release another game in my lifespan), so I just have separate entries. Once once once again, this game has too many memories for me to name, so I wont. This is my favorite SLZ game so far and my second favorite VR game of all time. I know this is probably SLZ's most controversial game, as people (including my best friend) though the story would be like a second BONEWORKS, which it wasn't. This disappointed a lot of people, and while I understand that, I also wanna say that nowhere did they market BL as BW2. In fact, Brandon or Alex has said on Discord that when Project 4 was split into 2 games, the other one (most likely B-side) is actually linked to BW, whereas BL is not a direct sequel, instead being kind of similar to what BW was to Duck Season. Yeah, BL and BW are similar in, well, every way, but I still don't really care. While the story of BW is definitely easier to comprehend, I actually think I prefer Bonelab's. Let me explain. BW's story is very linear when you understand it. In the beninging cutscene, Ford plugs a virus USB into a PC and goes in VR. You play as him from there on. In Breakroom he deploys the virus onto MythOS City, kicking everyone else out. The rest of the game is him going to the time tower, where he gets into the void (though detouring through FantasyLand). Quite simple when I dumb it down like that, huh. But BONELAB, while also linear, is a lot more confusing, which I guess turns other people off (though the VR community sucks ass so maybe I'm just trying to find reason in unreasonable people). At the beginning of BL, you are hanged. Someone summons a knife and you cut yourself out. You move through the amalgamation of MythOS City and FantasyLand until you get to the Mine Dive rollercoaster, which you are directed off of by Jay. He brings you to the backrooms and tells you to become strong. Then he makes you gather avatars and afterwards sends you to Ascent. In Home, you kill the NPCs who hanged you and Jay brings you to the void, where he drives you to G114, a city box that can simulate pretty much anything (to my understanding). Not that clear now is it? I guess the first question is, who the hell is the player character? Well, my theory is that it's the canonical version of the actual person playing the game, so in the case of me playing BL, me. I guess it was inevitable that this'd turn into a theorization entry.

        So, here's my interpretation on the BL story. Before BW, a group of vigilantes (a lot of whom are Monogon employees) are pissed with the corporate constraints of freedom that Monogon has on MythOS. They form a group called LavaGang, which is dedicated to modding Myth. After seeing the success that the in-universe SLZ had with the in-universe Duck Season alongside their partner Gammon, Monogon wanted to hire SLZ instead, to advantage them over their competitor. Monogon and SLZ work on FantasyLand, a separate simulation from MythOS City. At some point LavaGang teaches the nullbodies to ferment melons and make a bootleg of the drink Melon Belly (for unknown reasons). I think this is the time to address the biggest gap in this theory. I don't know whether the disarray of MythOS in BL is because of what Ford does in BW or a different unknown event. It doesn't make sense to me that all FL related stuff AND Jay's story would happen BEFORE BW. So I'm assuming that Ford didn't completely stunt the development of MythOS. But then it's like, we don't have anything that suggests that MythOS was ever open to the public, so like uhh. The FL at the end of BW is completely different to the one in BL, so could it really just be that BL is the aftermath of BW? I honestly don't know. Regardless, MythOS City has NPCs, and one of them, Jay, becomes sentient and goes off on his own adventure (which we might see in DeadFM when that comes out in 2065). Meanwhile, FL has both NPCs and Monogon employee "cast members". They're doing some sort of experiments on the NPCs, and one day the supervisors get bored and just send the NPCs some weapons. They retaliate and the cast members are stuck in FL. Their fates are unknown (though they're probably similar to the player's). Anyway, at some point the player character's consciousness somehow gets transported into a peasant avatar, which is promptly hanged by the NPCs. The rest of BL happens, and at the end, Jay suggests the player joins LavaGang in the void.

        I also think this game is hinting towards music being an important aspect of the void. Holy shit. Michael's BTS video for the BL OST has a clip from Stranger Things season 4, where a character says "We've found music to have a calming effect on the person's mind" (I forgor the exact quote). What if this wasn't just a clip in here because "music" but because it actually has meaning in the story of BL? Oh and don't you worry, there's plenty more. The hidden room in Mine Dive has always been one of the most interesting and mysterious parts of BL, mostly because, even after 2,5 years, the thing still isn't finished. But from what we have in patch 6, it's certainly music related. And while I don't remember the exact clipboard texts from the in-universe Michael, they do support my theory. And the biggest evidence is what Jay says in the taxi at the end of the game: "This song is the road. Without it, we're just driving in circles and we never arrive." Tell me this isn't suggesting that music somehow changes the void. You know, Jay is a radio host. Both BW and BL have radios scattered all around, and what do they play? Music. I mean, even the void creatures in BW make a distorted musical noise. If I'm wrong, publicly execute me, but I will defend this theory over my dead body.

        Oh, I'm supposed to actually say something about the game itself? Well okay, I'll say the only thing I have issue with and one I've been avoiding. Both BW and BL use AI-generated image assets for posters. It's a lot more prominent in BL, but I think BW has some too. I am heavily against GenAI used in media, but I can't help but still support this decision to some extent. Yes, I would prefer the game to have human-made assets, but at the same time, the AI generated stuff isn't trying to pretend it's made by a human. This is before the AI slopfest of 2025, and some of the posters in this game are genuinely hilarious because of the dumb choices the AI makes. The AI in this game isn't only non-intrusive (I literally failed to notice 90% of the posters on my first playthroughs) but it also makes sense from a story standpoint, which is why they did it in the first place. I honestly think this is like an RTVS situation, where they couldn't do what they wanted with a human. SLZ has amazing artists who weren't fired for the AI to replace them. So, honestly, I'm fine with the way GenAI is CURRENTLY used in BL. I hope they stop using it, but if they did the exact same thing, I'm not gonna riot against that.
      Hot dogs, Horseshoes & Hand grenades
        If you've seen the LukeKindaWeird channel at all, you should know about what my relationship to this game is. To put it bluntly, this game turned me into a gun nerd. And honestly I don't have much more to say about it. Everything else has already been made or is hopefully maybe plausibly being made sometime in the future (probably in 2065 after DeadFM drops).
    Roguelike / Roguelite
      Spelunky 1&2
        Again, way too many stories to tell with this one. I guess I'll just say the main one. When I was 7, I broke my first iPhone because of Rayman. Unrelated to this, my dad banned Spelunky from me for being too violent. A year later and I finally got to play Rayman again (my parents had banned it for a year for obvious reasons), but before that I asked my dad if he could lift the ban off Spelunky already since I was 8 and a big kid now, and HE HAD MIXED UP THE 2!!!! He had made Spelunky into what christian parents made Pokémon. He didn't even let me listen to the OST in the car. So I broke his phones too! That'll show him! Well I actually broke those phones for fun years after he allowed me to play Spelunky again, but that's beside the point. The point being that these are my favorite roguelikes ever and that Green ninja from Spelunky 1 is in a transbian relationship with Liz from Spelunky 2 and that DIRK IS NOT GREEN NINJA AND WILL NEVER BE AND I WAS ROBBED THANK YOU GOODBYE.
    Other
      Wii Sports / - Resort
        It's actually insane to believe how big of an impact this game has had on the world for what it is. From the music to all the Matt memes in like 2018, this game has had a big influence on the internet. And not just that, Wii Sports Resort was actually the first video game I ever played! For that, it doesn't actually hold a special place in my heart (mostly because it's unclear whether it was actually my first game or not). Either way, I loved Resort as a kid. We have a disk which has both the base game and Resort, but I never really played the main game that much. My absolute favorite games were sword fighting and the flying one (i forgot the name leave me alone). I haven't fully beaten the mirror maps in swordplay Showdown but I got quite close. As a small kid though, I never got through the regular castle level (which I think is level 7). Me and my sister always played the swordplay "cutting random objects" thing and she also played the archery game that I never cared for. Also I'm absolutely cracked at both ping pong and bowling now. As for the base game, I wasn't allowed to play the boxing mode until I was 7 (even though swordplay was completely fine???) But I mostly just played tennis anyway, though there was one point where I was grinding baseball. Surprisingly nobody ever broke anything because of this game.
      Mario Kart Wii
        The only Mario Kart I have played for more than 10 minutes, and my god have I played it for more than 10 minutes. I have a really kitted out save file (not 100%) from when I was like 12 or 13 and grinding the game out. When I was younger, I always played as Dry Bones and specifically used the baby carriage and then later the Hot Rod car (if that's even the name). But then when I actually found out how to be good at this game, I obviously switched to Funky Kong with the Bowser motorcycle and manual drifting. And no, Birdo was not my trans awakening. I actually hated the shade of pink in that character, there was something about that specific shade that I just always disliked for some reason. Anyway, my favorite course is really hard to decide, so I wont! My favorite courses are DK Summit, Koopa Cape and Moonview Highway. I also like a bunch of the other tracks but those are my top 3. Though I definitely like Moonview Highway the least, so it's more like a 2-way top 1. As for the battle courses, I liked playing Funky Stadium the most, but the other ones are really nostalgic to me for some reason. Oh and as for a favorite power-up… uhh… probably the triple red shell? Idk saying like "bullet bill" would just feel boring. Anyway, this is probably my second most played Wii game, if not the most.
      Wii Fit Plus
        We have truly hit rock bottom when it comes to games I like. For a Nintendo game, this thing is really obscure for some reason? Like it has similar gameplay to Wii Sports Resort so I don't really know why. Oh. Oh right. Yeah so this game requires the Wii Balance Board to play AND Wii Motion Plus IIRC. Again, I could go on a tangent about every gamemode, but I don't have the time right now, so I will just mention, I was scared shitless of that meditation game as a kid. Funnily enough, I've actually heard that this is a common experience, so maybe that mode was just truly haunted. Also some of the music in this game BANGS (specifically the hula-hoop song which is in my video BGM folder)
    Characters
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Music
    Artists
      32ki
        Yeah, I listen to Circus Panic and Mesmerizer. Yeah, I'm a vocaloid newgen and a basic 32ki listener. Bite me. Favorite song is Mesmerizer
      AJ Dispirito
        If it wasn't for this guy, I would probably not care for GLITCH shows at all. I know Murder Drones is already my favorite animation series, but half of that is because of the OST. Meta Runner? Sunset Paradise? Murder Drones? I DON'T CARE! LET THIS MAN WORK ON MORE STUFF GLITCH I'M BEGGING YOU! Favorite songs: Solver Uzi, camping.mp3, Eternal Dream
      Attoclef
        I normally wouldn't make a separate entry for an artist whose songs are in games that (will) have their own entries, but this one is too special to me. I found Attoclef through vivid/stasis, specifically the song "Seraphiel". If I had to put August 2024 into 1 song, it would be Seraphiel. There was one day that I was feeling down at a summer cottage and just listened to it on loop for like 5 hours. Safe to say it was top of my Spotify wrapped last year. Something in the song really resonates with me, and I don't really know why. None of their other songs really stuck with me like that (besides Nightshade which is also a v/s original). After playing Phigros, I do also listen to The Chariot ~REVIIVAL~, but it's not personal to me in that way. Safe to say, probably my favorite artist I found through v/s, and my favorite song is 100% Seraphiel [though Nightshade rocks]
      Boom Kitty
        Now as for something completely different! I originally found Boom Kitty through a GD level using Mantis Shrimp Showdown as the song (I think it was a gauntlet level), and that's where it started. But I didn't start listening to his other stuff because of GD, I did it because of Beat Saber! (Although I did listen to Holy War before that.) I recognized his name when I played Burning Sands, and I was really hyped when OST 4 came out and he was credited in all the songs! But even before OST 4, I completely fell in love with Boom Slayer and the level it was made for AFAIK (the level that I'm sure has a very normal creator who has done nothing bad). But my god did I and do I love BS OST 4. To my knowledge, It Takes Me was mostly Boom Kitty's doing, and it was my favorite song in the pack for a while (before I discovered love for Camellia). And while my Beat Saber is stuck in the past so that I can have mods, I'm glad to see he still makes songs for the new OST packs. So favorite track is probably It Takes M- Wait... do you hear that? It sounds like a... a guitar riff!? oh no
        Dear reader, at the time of writing, it has been over a year since I was active in playing GD but god damn it you know I had to get on for April fools. And I certainly wasn't expecting... well, everything. This is unironically not only my favorite Boom Kitty song but also one of my favorite GD levels ever made (behind Dark Odyssey and Devin2003). FAVORITE SONG: GEOMETRY DASH GANGSTER RAP [MOTHERFUCKERS!]
      CG5
        I am a CG5 OG and apologist for life. Favorite songs: Monday Morning, 4GET, Like It or Not, Find Da Wae [which my Spotify is trying to get me to not listen to by scrolling away and which got me ratio'd like INSANE in a TikTok comment section]
      femtanyl
        Pretty self explanatory tbh, I mean, did you expect a trans girl to NOT listen to femtanyl? Favorite song: S33K H3LP
      FREE.99
        Another musician that I found through Geometry Dash, this time through a Blueskii level IIRC. I really like the aesthetics and filmography of their music videos and combined with the chaotic music, this typa stuff is right up my alley. I'm sad that they've seemingly quit, but I'm happy they've made as much as they have. Favorite song: CATGIRL SWITCHBLADE
      Frook
        I used to be a really big lo-fi listener, and Frook is probably my favorite lo-fi artist. I discovered them through a Giofilms video, and I really love the calming melodies and sort of melancholy vibe in their songs. Not much else to say. Favorite song: Dot The I's And Cross The T's
      Fur:Trash
        My second favorite Finnish musician. I only found their music recently but added at least 60% of his discography to my playlist. It's always the ponies and furries making my favorite music and goddammit I'll be eating it up forever. Favorite song is hard to decide, but I'll go with the basic bitch option: old money bitch
      Kero Kero Bonito
        At one point in time I thought "man, everything I like either originates through FNAF, GD or TikTok." [explained further in Misc.\Thoughts\everything I like comes from 3 things] But then I thought "Ah but my favorite band doesn't so it can't be true!" But then my brain went "TikTok -> OMORI -> bo en -> KKB". Dang it. Welp, it's my favorite band and one of my most listened to artists in 2024. They honestly kind of made my last summer a lot better, though I don't think I ever realized that before. I don't even know what to say about them, I just really really like their music! I can NOT pick a favorite song so here they are: Well Rested (Live version), Only Acting, Lipslap, Picture This
      Käärijä
        My favorite finnish musician! I don't know how the website will handle his name, so I'll just call him Jere. I obviously discovered Jere through Eurovision 2023 (he won in my heart), but I honestly don't even have Cha Cha Cha in my playlist. I like the message and the song itself, but Idk, it just doesn't feel like it fits in my playlist. Favorite song: TRAFIK!
      Michael Wyckoff / R!OT / Sines From Saturn
        Before I played OMORI, Michael was my top 1 listened to artist on Spotify for 2 years straight. He is one of my favorite artists, and all but 2 of his songs I listen to are from game OSTs. Michael is the main composer of every Stress Level Zero game so far. SLZ makes some of my favorite VR games and the soundtracks are absolutely phenomenal. I have songs in my playlist from every soundtrack, though most of them are probably from BONEWORKS. While BONELAB's OST has more songs, it's more experimental and the extra songs don't hit the same as ones you actually hear in-game. As for Sines From Saturn, Luna was one of my most listened to songs last year. It honestly kind of feels good to be one of less than 500 listeners of Sines From Saturn. Even though Michael has a lot of listeners, barely any of them know about SFS, and it's a shame but at the same time, it makes me a bigger fan than any of them. Oh also my current ringtone is Analog Sunrise from BONEWORKS. Favorite songs: Put It Down (Ima Say Ma Namowa), Welcome Home, Meaning Of Fear, Analog Sunrise, Luna.
      milkypossum
        I discovered milkypossum through Picayune Dreams and I fell in love with that soundtrack. Later I listened to Digital Utopia and I really like it. Now I listen to new releases as they drop and the other stuff a lot more than I should for the sake of my ears. Favorite songs: Interstellar, DIGITAL UTOPIA
      Moe Shop
        While I have listened to the song Pastel for a long time, I never really listened to anything else Moe Shop made. That was until... well... It doesn't feel good to admit it, but I rediscovered them through Love Taste Toy Chica. Listen, I hate-watched that animation, ok? Nowadays I don't judge people for their, uhh... interests... But goddammit the song in that animation was peak and it led me to peak so who's the real winner? Anyway, in 2023 I listened to Moe Shop A LOT. To the point i got pretty tired of their music honestly. However, I still like these songs (I just skip some of them because I kind of have to be in the mood for them). Favorite songs: Notice, GHOST FOOD, Pastel
      Penelope Scott
        I guess it's a bit misleading to put her here, as I only really listen to the songs in Public Void, but I do also want to say that SELF CARE IS NOT THAT BAD YOU'RE ALL OVERREACTING. Favorite song: Feel Better.
      Purity Filter
        I honestly think I should listen to this person much more than I have. I actually gotta remember to do that now. Hey, this is my reminder to myself to listen to Purity Filter more. Favorite song: Spiraling
      The Living Tombstone
        Discovered through FNAF, TLT is actually a strange case for me. I started listening to them when the FNAF songs had come out (previously I had been listening to Finnish dubs of the songs), I also found Cats through a Finnish Youtuber and No Mercy through TikTok (though I never had No Mercy in a playlist). But other than that, I just didn't listen to them. I guess I listened to My Ordinary life, the ASDFmovie songs and Basics in Behavior, but not really anything else. I still considered myself a fan, and I was there for the 2023 Cats Remix, Stuck Inside, I Wanna Be a Machine and of course the 10th anniversary FNAF concert, but what actually got me back into listening to their other music was... XTRATUNA and his Drunk cover. Yeah. I would not be listening to the single releases of Rust if it wasn't for that cover (and I woulnd't be listening to the actual Drunk). So, yeah. I guess Nathan has done something good in my life too and not just taken 20 years away from it because of his music. Favorite songs: I Can't Fix You, Be Alone, Drunk, Cats
      Yomoti
        The Dawko saga - Part 1
        The year is 2018. Dawko is young me's favorite Youtuber. Unbeknownst to me, the background music he uses is drilling itself into my brain, as is the BGM of other Youtubers I watched. The year is 2020. I have become obsessed with finding the BGM of Youtubers. I have found Joakim Karud and Dylan Sitts, but one remains: the mystery of Dawko's BGM. Furious, I put death threats on the Dawko subreddit. Until I give up. It feels useless. Until another Youtuber I watch, Kevin Parry, makes a video where he cuts fruit in stop motion. I see both videos on TikTok. I see that he also put them on Youtube, but I ignore them as I already saw them on TT. Months later I have watched the TikToks multiple times and have started to wonder how he made the sounds. So, I go to watch the Youtube videos, as their lenght suggest a showcase of the creation process. I watch the first video. No mention of the sound. I become hopeless again. Maybe the second video will have something. Dear reader, I did not find what I was searching for, but I did find something much more important. The BTS footage is played with a backing track. That track is Before Chill by Yomoti. And the song, for once, WAS ACTUALLY NAMED IN THE DESCRIPTION. I quickly recognized the song as not only one of the songs Dawko used, but as a song I've heard elsewhere as well. I was ecstatic. I quickly opened Spotify to see the other songs. They were all lo-fi bangers and a lot of them I had heard in Dawko's videos. However, I was nearing the end of the discography and hadn't heard the specific song I was searching for yet. The closer I got to the last song, the more nervous I grew. Could it be that it wasn't a Yomoti song he used? Could it be that I would have to live the next however long in not knowing what the song's goddamn name is!? I get to the last song, Pineapple. It's the song I was searching for the entire time. Favorite song: Second Side.
      XTRATUNA
        Hey, whoa! I already have something in the works for this guy, NO SPOILERS! (Favorite song: Animatronic Assassin [AND NOT JUST BECAUSE I SHARE A NAME WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER OF THE WALTEN FILES!!!])
    Albums
      Vylet Pony - Carousel
        This is (at the time of writing) my favorite album of all time. I found it through vivid/stasis and it's the first thing I ever heard from Vylet. All of Vylet's story albums are absolutely beautiful, but this one really speaks to me. Due to its way of writing lyrics, I rarely understand the "hidden" messages in her music and storytelling, but to me, music speaks louder than words. EDIT: £ I've found out that the album is actually supposed to be ambiguous and confusing! I think it really succeeds in that but my god do I love this album to death. £ The song Carousel holds a special place in my heart as my favorite ending to a vivid/stasis chapter. I have cried so much due to how beautiful this song is and the meaning it holds to the story of that game. I can not stress enough how much you should listen to this album. It's not for everyone, but I beg you to give it a chance. This album and bo en's Pale Machine have had the most influence on my more serious music. I really love the maximalism in Vylet's choruses. My favorite song from the album is (obviously) Carousel.
      Vylet Pony - Monarch of Monsters
        While I don't like this album as much as Carousel, I do really appreciate it as a work of art. I don't really relate to the story per se, but it's beautifully told both through the music and accompanying novella (which has its own section in the "reading" class) Unless you might get triggered by the content (which is specified on the page), I really really recommend this album, it is really uncomfortable at times but really beautiful at others. I think sometimes art should speak for itself, so instead of analyzing it to its core, I hope you listen to it and / or read the novella. My favorite songs from the album are PLAY DEAD! PLAY DEAD! and The Heretic.
      [TW: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE] Vylet Pony - CUTIEMARKS
        As I said before, my first introduction to Vylet was Carousel, which I've listened to at least 5 times now. Then was Monarch and Girls Who Are Wizards, both of which I needed and will need more listens to fully appreciate respectively. And CUTIEMARKS was no different. I had been listening to ANTONYMPH before, but not the full album. My first listen was kind of the "half-paying attention" listen that I usually have when I listen to albums or songs for the first time. Or, that was until I heard Coordinates. I can not listen to this song without crying. I don't know what it is about Vylet's story, but it hits me. I don't truly understand why. I have had suicidal thoughts in my life, but never anything concrete. Yet, specifically the lyrics about suicide in this album really affect me. I guess I relate to a lot of the other topics, such as isolation and bullying, but I don't understand why it's speficically this song and specifically suicide. I think it's something moreso in my subconscious as of now. And let me tell you, after listening to this album again a couple times, the rest of it hits too. I don't necessarily cry to songs other than Coordinates (besides ANTONYMPH, mostly due to the coordinates being in the music video), but holy hell this album is really good. I mentioned that Carousel is my favorite album of all time, and I still think that's true, but I would say CUTIEMARKS is the most important album to me. I obviously don't have any long-term effects I can share since I listened to it very recently, but I can tell it impacted me. Last night (14/05/25) I watched the video essay "Trans Day of Vanishing" by Lily Alexandre, and I was slightly in tears at the end of it. Right then I realized how long it had been since I truly cried my sorrows out. So I put on Coordinates, and cried. I don't think I cried for more than 10 minutes, and it felt like there was too much to cry about in too short of a time. But I'm really happy I did. I guess saying I'm "happy" right now isn't accurate, but I really prefer feeling sad over not feeling anything at all (like I have for pretty much all of this year so far). I have had a few things I cried about this past year, but I have not cried this hard since I finished OMORI over a year ago. And god damn it, I hate repression. I want to feel things, I want to be vulnerable. Because I know that to feel the good, I will have to also feel the bad. At this point, I don't care that much anymore. I just want to feel something. And that is exactly what this album did. I will not name a favorite song, because there isn't any need. While I love this album as a piece of music, to me it is a parallel story. Generally after writing about Carousel and Monarch, I've been really getting into Vylet's other music more along with its other projects on Youtube for example. I know Vylet will most probably never read this, but I really want to thank you for helping me feel things again.
      bo en - Pale Machine
        Well, I guess I really should put this here too. In case you didn't know, OMORI is my favorite game of all time (at the time of writing), and I found 2 of my favorite artists through it. Of course I found bo en through My Time, but having listened to Pale Machine multiple times and having every song (besides Intro) in my playlist, I really like this album. Honestly, my upcoming album would not have been made if it wasn't for My Time and especially Pale Machine (which inspired the song with possibly my favorite lyrics in the album). I've still yet to make the instrumental for that song (or rather, segment of a song), but the things I have in my head are very much heavily inspired by Pale Machine (the song). And, that's kind of all I have to say about the album. It's not like revolutionary for me, but I enjoy it as much as or a bit more than the next guy. Oh also I have this album on vinyl. Favorite songs: Every Day and My Time.
    Songs
      I want to preface this with the fact that the first 3 of these songs are songs that, at some point in my life, I have almost consistently listened to every day for multiple weeks minimum.
      Lola Marsh - Something Stupid (From "Better Call Saul")
        And the first song of this kind is the montage song from BCS (my second favorite TV show)??? Yea, it's a bit strange, but from late 2022 to early 2023 I was listening to this song every day just before going to sleep. I guess it was calming, but of course I eventually grew bored of it (as you don when you listen to a song every day for 2+ months straight). While I do like this song, it doesn't mean all that much to me and never realy did, I just liked how it sounded.
      Rio Romeo - Nothing's New
        And weirdly enough, this is a bit of a similar scenario. I don't really remember when and how much I listened to this song, but I definitely did try to make it the new Something Stupid. I also never had that big of an emotional connection to it, but I did eventually learn the chords on piano.
      yukigloom - RNG
        Now as for a song that means something to me, this song certainly does! I discovered yukigloom through very normal and non-Edwin related circumstances, and I really liked this song. The lyrics and the way they portray the trans experience really resonate with me and mirror my own feelings on the stuff pretty well. I also made a coal art piece in art class based on this song, but it isn't very good (not that I care that much, fuck "good" art). But yeah, I'm not really a metal enjoyer so this song got more unbearable quicker than the other 2, but I can still listen to it in moderation and I still really like it.
      Sanguinarius - Crow Song
        After rediscovering 2003Devin, I really became obsessed with his GD levels. I especially liked Whitehouse and Devin2003 because I liked the songs. Now the song for Whitehouse is certainly strange enough to even strive me away from it, this relatively simple electric guitar and drums piece has become one of my favorite songs for seemingly no reason. I have listened to Sanguinarius' whole discography, but I didn't care for anything else. No, it's specifically this song that I like. I have few songs in my playlist that I have never skipped on shuffle, and this is one of them. I'm starting to realize that talking about music is a bit dumb when I could just let you listen to it, but I like to think something like this works better than just naming recommendations.
      The Crane Wives- Canary in a Coal Mine
        I discovered this song through a Life series animatic, but it has become more meaningful to me on its own. You see, I used to be pretty paranoid about very strange things. I've always considered myself atheist, but for some reason I just believed in the weirdest stuff my brain came up with. I think I was, to some extent, experiencing symptoms of OCD, but I don't think I actually have it. One of these beliefs was actually that listening to this song would result in something bad happening, especially relating to cars. My biggest fear has always been death, but at this point, cars were the biggest thing I directed that fear towards. I had had nightmares of dying in a car accident, which certainly was one of the reasons. After learning what the phrase in the song's title meant, my brain connected the canary to the song itself. I remember 2 instances of listening to this song and being in some sort of abnormal situation relating to cars afterwards. I actually ended up in a light car crash, though I don't think I had listened to the song before that one. But for a while, I could not listen to this song out of fear that I'd die in a car accident. It took a bit of work, but eventually I got over that. And the biggest reason for why OMORI is so meaningful to me is that it was the reason I got over the rest of my paranoias. Now this song is a reminder of how long I've come and just a really nice song overall. I have also learnt this song's chords on piano.
    Making it
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Youtube
    Channels
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    Videos
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    Playlists
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Internet
    Websites
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    Software & tools
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    Other
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Hobbies
    "Sports"
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    Other
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Movies and TV
    Movies
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    Series
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    Characters
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Reading
    Books
      Milan Kundera - The Unbearable Lightness of Being
        Now, I'm quite interested in philosophy, so when my group chose this piece for Finnish class, I was kind of excited about it. Though, I find most books I read pretty mid, so my expectations were'nt too high. Good thing too, because my god is this book boring. It's not that I wasn't engaged in it, it's mostly just that I couldn't care less about these characters. Honestly, I did feel compassion for them, but I don't like any of them. Unironically Karenin is the only good character in this book, and she's a dog. I do see a bit of myself in Tereza, though. Her body dysmorphia is quite similar to my gender dysphoria and I also see very weird and sometimes upsetting dreams. However, the lives of all of the characters in this book seem to undesirable to me that it's insane. I sometimes question whether I'm actually asexual or not, but media such as this book make me realize that yes, I, in fact, am. As for the philosophical aspects, I found some of it pretty interesting and even thought-provoking at times. Especially the term "kitsch" and it in relation to death and leftist politics were probably the most interesting things about the book for me. As someone who isn't active in politics due to my mental struggles and a Finnish leftist supporter, it's interesting to me to hear conflicting viewpoints that are actually well structured. (For context, the book specifically handles the Soviet Union in the 60s and their politics). But I think the book falls into the same hole as a lot of political discourse these days does. The "Left-Right" thing just doesn't work. I personally find the political compass much more appealing (thought politics is a very nuanced topic and the political compass certainly isn't perfect), but I understand that some people don't really care about political labels at all (which I personally disagree with but won't go into here since it's too off-topic). Yes, the Soviet Union was practicing leftist politics, but it's important to note that on the political compass, they would have been top-left, meaning authoritarian. I personally fall very low in the bottom left square, which, while it is still leftist, it is a whole different thing than the Soviet Union. The book specifically says that leftists politics has a lot of kitsch due to constantly striving for a better world. While this is true to some extent, I think it's really ignorant to, in practice, say that supporting leftist politics is bad because the further it gets, the less support it will get. Yes, it is true that the majority of people tend to be quite centrist, but in a multi-party political system (such as here in Finland), voting for the more "extreme" parties actually does something. I understand that there's a lot of context in the time this book was written in and when it's based. I was just reminded of the phenomenon that I tried my hardest to look up the name of, but couldn't find, so I'll just call it "isolation bias". Essentially what it is is the belief that, because you're an individual, the things you do have little to no impact, so doing things like voting, more ethical consumption and boycotting is pretty much useless. I remember hearing about this quite a lot, and it really stuck with me. It's helped me make ethical consumption and boycotting less and less of a nuisance, as I hardly think about them anymore (most of it happens in my subconscious, and I, for example, know what brands to avoid, so I never even consider them as an option). There are other very valid reasons to not do these things, but isolation bias is just stupid to me. The biggest thing about is that, once enough people have an isolation bias, they start to actually have a big effect on the world. In that situation, we have a million individuals thinking "well, I'm just an individual, so it doesn't really matter if I throw this one piece of trash on the street", and what do you know, suddenly the streets are flooded with trash. I'm not saying this is definitely what the book is saying, but that is my interpretation of it. Once again, context is important here, and in modern history, politics has almost always just been "left and right". It's just something that got me thinking, which is exactly what I want a philosphical book to do! It's too bad I have to read 250 pages of erotica to get to what I care about, but that's literature I guess. But the big thing to remember is, I'm young and stupid. Don't listen to anything I say, I don't have enough knowledge and experience to actually properly handle these things. I guess, if you want to take something away from this, it should be to listen to other viewpoints with an open, yet critical mind.
    Short stories
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    My Poems
      Roses
        Roses are red.
        This is what I hear in every poem
        Every song
        Every person.
        Roses are red.
        That's how it's always been.
        If a rose isn't red, it is not a rose.
        But what is red without a rose?
        Red is blood
        The fuel of humans
        Of animals.
        But what is a rose without red?
        A white rose
        A blue rose
        A black rose
        A green rose
        A yellow rose
        A pink rose
        A rainbow rose.
        Are these not roses, because they are not red?
        A rose is a species of flower
        But to humanity rose is a concept.
        The concept of a red rose.
        And they will keep saying
        Roses are red.
        Until no other roses exist.
        Other flowers bloom in one color
        Other flowers bloom in many colors.
        Roses are the latter
        Unless they are not.
        That is what you should believe
        Roses are red.
        If the definition of the concept of rose is a red rose
        Roses are red.
        If the definition of the concept of rose is a rose
        Roses are beautiful.
        All roses are beautiful
        All roses are beautiful.
    Other
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Misc.
    Manifesto
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    Thoughts
      everything I like comes from 3 things
        Note: the usage of the word "everything" is hyperbolical, but A LOT comes from these 3 things.
        Five Nights at Freddy's, Geometry Dash and TikTok. 3 things that don't really have a lot in common (though I was introduced to both FNAF and GD in elementary school but I don't want to bring the real world into this). But, what if they did? For some reason, a few months ago (as of writing, as always) I had the thought "I think everything I like comes from either FNAF, GD or TikTok." In retrospect though, all my VR related things originally come from Minecraft, so maybe it's actually 4 things. Okay, let's say that because I was introduced to both GD and MC by my sister, that we can just replace both of them with my sister. I know I said I wouldn't bring the real world into this but listen, I write these things with a train of thoughts, this isn't an essay. So, FNAF, my sister and TikTok. The things that eventually every one of my interests links back to. It's like on Wikipedia, when you click on the first link of ANY article (unless you've already clicked that link in the current loop), you will eventually always end up in the page for philosophy. My version of this might seem a bit exaggerated, but let me prove it to you with some examples.
        My favorite musician, Vylet Pony?
          My sister -> Geometry Dash -> GD Youtube -> GD Colon -> Rhythm Doctor -> vivid/stasis -> Vylet Pony.
        webfishing?
          My sister -> Minecraft -> Finnish Minecraft Youtube -> Hornankoje -> Playstation VR -> VR Youtube content -> RTGame's VR Groundhog day video -> RTGame's Scribblenauts videos -> Scribblenauts Youtube content -> CHRBRG -> CHRBRG's webfishing video -> webfishing.
        VAIL VR?
          My sister -> Minecraft -> Finnish Minecraft Youtube -> Hornankoje -> Playstation VR -> VR interest -> PCVR -> H3VR -> Gun interest -> Into The Radius -> habie147 -> VAIL VR.
        BONELAB?
          FNAF -> Game Theory -> Duck Season & BONEWORKS -> Stress Level Zero -> BONELAB.
        Not For Broadcast?
          FNAF -> FNAF Youtube -> Jacksepticeye -> Not For Broadcast.
        Murder Drones?
          FNAF -> FNAF Youtube videos -> SMG4 -> Meta Runner -> Murder Drones.
        Black Mirror?
          TikTok -> Black Mirror.
        I know this isn't a lot of examples, but trust me, most things I'm into come from something like this. There are only some Steam games for example that I found by just scrolling Steam, and all my Wii and PS4 games I played as a kid, but most of my active interests somehow originate from FNAF, My sister or TikTok.
      [CONTENT WARNING: BULLYING, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, LONELINESS] The feeling of not belonging anywhere
        If you're looking for answers, this is not where you will find them. Just a bit ago, I was surfing random websites on the MelonLand Surf Club and I realized how different my website feels to what I saw. I didn't even try to make this website look good, hell, I got a template and didn't change it at all! I don't think that matters too much, as this site is more text-based, but it did lead me to realize something. Even looking at these people's websites, people who are quite similar to me, might I remind you, I felt the inane sense of loneliness I've felt for the better part of a year now. In case you don't know, I had bad experiences with my friends in middle school, which led me to leave that group of people. A bunch of those people and more would start to bully me for 1. having a Youtube channel, 2. not drinking energy drinks, 3. wearing outdoor pants and 4. being alone all the time. At the time, I felt like I wanted to be alone. Hell, one time a girl from my class asked if I'd want to sit with them during lunch (them, as in the girls in my class). I accepted, and ate with them... that one time. Back then, I justified not eating with them more to myself by thinking that I needed to focus on eating during lunch. Alongside that, I was isolating myself, because I "didn't want friends". I'll never know if those 2 things ever actually had an effect on something, but they are just about the thing I'd blame my social life being a complete disaster. And I don't mean the movie or book kind of disaster where it's like "oh my god! you cheated on your bf with his brother!" No, my disaster is that nothing ever fucking happens. Don't get me wrong, I could be in a much worse situation. I still have a few friends with varying amounts of relatability. Because I don't want to name specific people (for obvious reasons), I'm gonna continue with naming a few groups of people and trying to examine why I don't feel like I fit in with them.
        1. The boys (essentially most male students at my school; the smarter variant of the basic white boy). Well, simply put, my former bullies are now a part of this group. Do you really expect me to trust people from this group after only having bad experiences with people from it? (/hj) Now, my best online friends are a part of this group, so obviously I don't *only* have bad experiences from this group. It's just that the connections in my town are quite strong, so theres a high likelihood that any random white guy I would befriend would be friends with one of my former bullies or a friend of one of my former bullies. You get what I mean, right? It's not necessarily the group itself that has anything wrong with it (thought it definitely does, but off-topic), but over here, I really really REALLY don't want even a chance of interacting with my former bullies again. It's not like I wish death upon them, but, just saying, if they did die, I certainly wouldn't be mourning
        2. The girls (literally just a female version of The boys). So then, what's wrong with The girls(TM)? Well, the issue is the exact same. This time, though, it's not always the friends of my former bullies, but their sisters and girlfriends. And honestly, having heard stories about girlhood in school, I'm pretty sure a lot of people are just mean regardless of gender. Again, I would be completely fine with being friends with a person from this group, I just won't be actively seeking the attention of this group (especially as a trans woman myself).
        3. The theatre kids and school nerds. One of my friends actually is a theatre kid, and so is a friend of a friend (who's also a friend of the aforementioned friend). Almost all of my other friends (AKA 2 or 3) are school nerds, so they're just good at school (I don't see the word "nerd" as an insult). The problem is, though, they're all too social for me. It's not like I think that's a bad thing! It's just... with how much they have going on and the more social friends they have, they're not gonna have time for me. And that is by no means a fault of theirs, I am not entitled to other people's time. It's just heartbreaking to know that while I'm rotting in my room playing VAIL, my friends are out there in bars, in events, in town, making more friends, connections and enemies. Experiences. Memories. But hey, at least I got a sick clip, right? You know, I actually thought about taking theatre when applying to high school but decided against it. Once again, very simple decisions coming back to haunt me, when they probably didn't mean anything in actuality. I can still do cool stuff without taking theatre, because guess what, it's not the external things that limit me. Yllättyneet parijonoon.
        4. The band kids. Well, I guess the biggest problem here is that I don't give two shits about doing music with someone else in a band. Of course I'd love to collaborate with people and have shows, but what I'm doing right now with music is very personal and something I should, at least mostly, do alone. That and I actually hardly know any band kids.
        5. The alone type. My only other school friend and the one I spend the most time with is The alone type. He studies a lot independently and doesn't really partake in school events almost at all. He's quite antisocial (to my knowledge) and rarely eats lunch with me (because I eat with my other friends, and he doesn't like social situations with more than 3 people). So, compared to my other friends, he's at the opposite end of the spectrum. But that's still not something I relate to. Yea, I don't like being social all the time, but no way in hell do I want to be alone almost constantly! This is something I realized recently. It's like all my friends are some type of extremist when it comes to being social, but I'm in the unclear uncomfortable middle that nobody ever talks about because hardly anyone sits there. You're either social or antisocial. Extroverted or introverted. Black or white. Need I go on, or do you get my point?
        6. The cool kids (basically anyone I find cool and would like to be friends with). Now, this seems perfect! These are exactly the type of people I could relate to and feel like I belong with. Well, yeah, it really is that simple, isn't it? But as I mentioned earlier, it's not the people that's the problem. It's me. And before you say shit, yes, I am talking to a professional about this. So, then, what exactly is the issue? Well, how am I supposed to just "become friends" with these people? You can say "just go up and ask", but there's more to friendship than just asking when you're older than like 10. There has to be a shared thing, a group project, some sort of event. Just SOMETHING that you can relate to the other person with other than just a shared interest in something that isn't related to anything. And is any of it based on social skills? Well, yeah, obviously, but I think the biggest factor here is luck. You have to be insanely lucky to end up with a situation like that with someone you find cool. And only then do your social skills come in. But then you ask "Well, maybe you don't need that situation, maybe you CAN just go up and ask. The worst they could do is say no." Indeed, that is the worst thing they could do.* But that's exactly my problem. I don't care if these people don't know about my existence, all that matters to me is that they don't view me in a negative light. And this is my biggest flaw as a person. I acknowledge it, I talk about it, but I can't get rid of it. It's my burden. It's the boulder to my Sisyphus. Except I don't roll it up, because I'm scared of it hitting me as it goes down. I've visited some ledges on the mountain, but I've never seen the top. Every time I either keep pushing to no avail or stop at a ledge that leaves me just satisfied enough to feel bad for wishing for more. But is it wrong of me to want to break free and see the top? Absolutely not. A lot of other people are at the top without even knowing it. They're having a party up there. But I won't join that party, I can't. I'm too afraid of what I would see there. What if it turns out bad in the end anyway? What if the tip of the mountain is tiny, and all I'll be doing is rolling it down the other side, where it might become irrecoverable.
        Of course, a lot of that was metaphorical and a bit hyperbolical. But every word holds true meaning to me. I guess it's easier for me to write metaphors than reality, but truth be told, I am actually really really scared of rejection. Just behind death, it has to be my second biggest fear. "Oh yeah I had that too, do rejection therapy, it helps." Does it, now? At this point, it feels like my whole life has just been one big fucking rejection therapy, except the people actually reject me instead of doing anything to ease my fear. I've been rejected by people again, and again, and again, and again. A lot of times it's passive. Ignoring me, not paying much attention to me, generally showing disinterest in me as a person rather than another student. Again, I want to emphasize, I do not at all blame these people for the way I turned out (except my bullies). It just fucking hurts that when I can't relate to people or hell, even when I can, that it just never works out like I thought a friendship would. Like I thought a friendship should. I don't even know if I've ever had an actual friendship in real life. Well, I had those school friends who I also played games and hung out with (most of whom later bullied me). Oh, and then those current friends, most of whom I see almost every day at school (who hardly know anything about me and have their own social lives that I am just a background character in). Oh, and then that other current friend who I share classes and interests with and who I can have pretty cool conversations with (who isn't social at all and has a pretty cynical worldview, resulting in us never hanging out and a lot of political conversations being nightmarish).
        On my 18th birthday, June 2nd 2025, I am changing my legal sex to female, alongside my name to sophie. I want to start dressing up in feminine clothing, wearing some makeup, being the wokest mf on the street. I know what I'm hoping to change with this. I just don't know what it actually will. I'm hoping that when I'm actually presenting as myself, someone will finally care about who I am. I guess that's the words my brain has been stopping me from typing this whole time. That I don't believe anybody cares about who I am. It's a selfish belief, and a cynical one at that. I guess that brings us to why I started writing in the first place (god I got off-track). There are so many groups in the world. There are so many individuals in the world. Many individuals find each other through these groups. I have also found individuals through these groups, my friends. The problem is, they're bound to the groups they represent. I don't consider myself a part of really any group. Yes, constructively I'm a student at my school and a teenager, a gen-z, a queer person, a fan of a specific media. But socially, I don't feel like a part of any of those groups. I guess that's because I've always preferred individuals over groups. The problem is, that to get to those individuals, I have to go through the groups first. But I'm bad at that, because so many times I tried were left with ashes and broken eyes. I don't feel like I belong in any group, because I forgot how to be a part of a group. Not only that, I've realized that I don't always want to be constrained by a group. Sure, I can be another number of protestor in a pride march, I'm okay with that for the greater good. But I also want the world to see me as an individual. Actually? Fuck the world. I want SOMEONE to see me as an individual. Now, of course everyone sees me as my own person. But what I mean is, I wish someone could see me for who and what I actally am, and love me for it. And I don't mean my mom (love you btw), but someone who I can be friends with. Someone who spends time with me but also respects when I need to be alone. Someone, like me. Someone like me.
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